My mental breakdown hospital stay with bpd and anxiety ♥️

Hello, I thought I’d start by saying hi. It’s been the worst time of my life. I went into hospital in March and came out in May. The staff were horrible, some were nice. I was in a mixed ward. I met people there who were so loud. I got on with them, but it was way too loud. But I felt like I hit rock bottom. My friends all ran to see me. I can’t say I’m OK. I lost some weight because the food in there was horrible. I can’t speak the same way. I have psychosis now. It’s hard to get my head around.

I had a massive breakdown and manic episode and met some extra unique people, but I went to a mixed ward. I had been in hospital before, but this was different. A strange time. I never thought I would get out.

I’m on aripiprazole and antidepressants now that make me drowsy, but I have a lot of recovering to do. I feel like I don’t want to live at home anymore. I live with my dad, but he’s going to sell up.

I have no idea what to say, but I can say I’m recovering. It’s been a hell of a lot to go through. I’ve got amazing friends, but it’s just been like they came to feed me and everything. It’s a lot to go through. I can’t really make somebody, I don’t think I’m going to be able to work. I’m watching, really remembering. I deferred from uni. Like, I’m recovering.

Love y’all ❤️

Going back to open uni In my twenties because I dropped out due to grief 3 years. 🙄😢and mental health but was told because of my dyislexa.it wasn’t possible .and attracting better and going to therapy with my gad and cptsd

Hi, long time no post long time ?no hear but yes. I’m going to be doing open uni course it’s an accsess course but I’m hoping to go on to teacher training but when I was 19 I got offered uni in west London  uni to do child care degree but at the time I wasn’t in the right state of mind I had just lost my mother to cancer that same year got diagnosed with general anxiety disorder cptsd and personality disorder and I was drinking very heavily but yeah I kept working but left the child care but was in toxic relationship then

It gave me some time realize what I was actually interested in and started via Nhs agency working with young people with specific needs I liked it and started to figure out what I wanted to to do instead of just following friends and don’t get me wrong I liked childcare but the hours and pay didn’t make sense and I was in it for two years I tried but wasn’t making sense to keep going.

I know I’m starting to. Studying I’m bit stressed I’m currently speaking to someone but its just cute we getting to know each other but ended as we are just friends. Open university is stressful as I have dyslexia, got diagnosed with it at 15 even typing this is difficult so but I got used to it all through my school age I would always have someone helping me but I unsure I felt I was diagnosed late . but when later in college I got the support I needed it did make me angry nut I thought if could help others that would be an advantage, not liking dating apps I have tried them you find the not serios or the love bombers or the to old for you I’m in my early to mid twenties like serious but other than that I have got in to yoga got therapy this week I have been going regularly she has been helpful it private I used been on nhs therapy but they didnt help like they kept giving my CBT it may work for others not for me.if you want to view me more I’m on Tick tock @susiemurray or insta @susiemurray99 still on here but thought if you need msg me or anything

Learning to be me after social media break and going to therapy depressive episode and cptsd and gad for 3months😊💕taking my meds and and my birthday coming up

“Hi how are you doing”? Long time no speak on here I would always I been trying blog but been so low with everything I have been looking after my kitten he is. Now 9 months he is called maxi I was so low but had to the vets with him I have been posting on tick tock lots but is it just me or has algorithm changed but I stopped posting I use the stories but I seeing random post and messages from

people who want money it’s not the same .but I’m on tick tock I haven’t done a lot just talk about my general anxiety disorders about my therapy I have just found a great therapist I was saying to her about why I say sorry about a multitude of things but she said stems back to when I was younger teachers used to shout at me when I got stuff wrong as I had dyslexia they didn’t understand me but I got in to open uni now in my twenties and I was meant to do it when I lost my mum but come a long way but felt so low as . Had stomach pain that hasn’t gone a way I spoke. To my doctor’s meant to be going for blood test and scan I feel it may be fibrosis or cyst but doctor’s can be annoying . birthday is coming up this week

May is mental health month💚💚Trying to relocate and my general anxiety is up and down but taking my meds my cptsd and love bombing

“Hi boos how are you “?long time no post I have been busy but I also have a tooth infection but yeah but yeah where do I start I started going on dating app as a joke because after my random situationship last year

I’m learning me I do like Instagram but I feel I don’t know what to post anymore .Like I still post  but I feel I just don’t talk to the people on here I went for date a guy was so rude he was like your anxious right stop I was like you ask me to be here I’m understand dating apps but sometimes they make me anxious because  most just use it to as sneaky link sites but yeah  I have tried them one guy just wanted me to come to his I was like no wtf but I’m not looking for that  but I had someone talk to we had a lot in common but he wanted me to message him call him every min  but I’m very anti social and anxious I was like no

But hoping to move by the end of summer as my job is agency but I felt I would feel chilled as I stay in Berkshire with my dad but  I was in London with friends and family but I have kitten I’m looking for a place for accepting pets  is a night mare  but yeah. Its a lot .

That’s not me so I said I’m more of a text me if you good and what do we have in common type not lets ring me every second but anyway but I just said oh happy Easter he was like  what have I done I said nothing your not speaking to me I said ok then he kept messaging me on Instagram then I just blocked him because I was like I don’t need this anyway talking to someone genuine now but I’m just saying becareful on these apps but I’m In therapy my cat has been amazing he runs every where

Cptsd is so painful but sometimes I get trauma by seeing people I don’t talk to anymore and I get scared of using public transport now days as I fainted a few months ago but I have tried but I get so anxious

My gad and having anxiety attack after 4 months kitten and new job therapy starting feel anxious and learning to understand my dyslexic thinking ♥️♥️

“Hi long time no blog how are you” doing I have a new job I was happy in it but my manager gave me anxiety he shouts I was working in the education sector for 4 years I’m still in it but

admin assistant. Sen now but I felt so anxious my manager shouted at me and I sent him some work he was like no that’s not right bare in mind I’m dyslexic so he made me feel like I was pathetic and I had to kind of tell him I’m sorry but why should I say sorry something that is my that I left my position of 4 years . It makes me feel physically sick that he literally stop emailing me even when I was outside of work saying the world there’s your that I was just like a cool I’ll send you some more work and then all my other colleagues will like ok see you doing it’s easier than every time they came off off I was the one doing the work so I got the point why haven’t I exactly I got home on the train from Ealing how long is going to shout at me don’t shout at me!! Anyway I have to look after my kitten my my kitten is 6-months now he has eye problem so busy worrying about him that I even forgot about that situation I went to the gym after and I just thought to myself what the f*** am I doing in this position the only reason I went that position I thought it was good here’s a picture of my cat yeah I just thought just checking in

Losing myself while finding myself career wise and moving location soon my general anxiety disorder meds have been uped dosage♥️♥️ format is a little different 🤣

“Hi how are you boos ” I haven’t been posting that much so much has been going on personally but I’m finally on here not great not sure how to feel? I left my position within education and special needs still on agency but found new position within social media admin. But if it doesn’t work it’s fine. I left just after half term because I felt lost and I had been working as teaching assistant In special needs for 4 years long time suppose.i left as I felt lost my team in there everyone was leaving but I felt heartbroken but I’m still on agency but you know when it’s your time to just leave

“But I went for an interview in recruitment the man who interviewed me he was like I work with graduates who want to going to office careers I was like “that sounds ok that sounds interesting bearing in mind this is in East London but work from home I thought ok this sound ok I mentioned I can’t do a Monday as I study he didn’t get back to me bear in mind he said yes it’s ok then I get an email out of the blue sorry it’s not ok we are retracting you job I felt like you could have just called me but that’s made me so anxious to go and apply for anything else

But recently I went for a job that was to do with social media but I didn’t Know if it was for me or it was with kids and sport in mind but you looking at girl who has got a level 3 in support teaching and not sure just about goes gym like I was like I dunno got another offer as recruitment in a office and like I’m still on agency and my personal life going weird like . dating is weird right like I went from talking to someone everyday to scared to message them because of being so busy and thinking they don’t like me I dunno but the things I’m doing I planned on doing with my ex like getting a kitten moving but now I’m doing these things alone like I have no idea who or what I’m doing but I’m doing it I guess.

This January went wrong but I’m going to start again In February my general anxiety has been a mess I would like a thinking change of career and my kitten ❤️❤️🐈

“Hi how are you” ??all long time no post I’m going to apologise I had kidney infection this week I have had them before but this time my doctor didn’t listen I rang I couldn’t get an appointment but I discussed it with my doctor who said ok that’s fine we give you antibiotics so I took them .I quickly noticed they weren’t working so after a little while called them the changed it bare in mind the haven’t seen my doctor since last year I only went to them for my anti depressants so I found that completely weird they didn’t call me in so I had to wait for them to back they didn’t call me back got to 5 o clock said ok let me call you emergency number if if you live in the UK even though it’s 11 1 I spoke to them explained my symptoms they.said ok we will refer you to doctor I got another antibiotics I was so confused anyway I’m getting there but. My kitten has been running every where he is only 5 months old he has a habit of scratching walls

Hope you had a rest with situation of covid 2021 had bit of an overwhelming time with general anxiety but my kitten has helped 2022 year of me just no change just me just no new me just get through the day . 🐈❤️❤️

“Hi how how are you” ?? Long time no post meaning to post .I have been online but not as much I had a self care day on christmas eye. Mask’s and took my meds I did feel overwhelmed as christmas grief my gad don’t go well but went as well as it could have during covid I spoke to my therapist she said just do things for you don’t try making it everyone else I had a deppressive episode in November and take meds for but.Gave myself social media break still liked tick tock but I started to realise that you can have breaks because sometimes you can see so much news on there about the current situation in the UK or around the world. But my kitten who is 4 months old has been a focus he had his vaccination a few days ago he is called maxi but I his actual name is Maximillon jedi it star wars inspired. But I call him maxi but I was busy giving him presents and stuff so having a pet does help but I still felt low during Christmas .My christmas this year was different as you know the current situation means you have to be careful of where your going? but I spent it with my dad but since my mumma past away I normally spend it with my cousins but I find christmas hard. But I’m learning to realise it’s just a day and not to think about it so much but this new year I hate when people say new year new me no I’m the same nothing has changed apart from me trying to give self a break before I burn out but yeah and keep going to therapy but yeah

Trying to give myself a break limit my time on socials and understanding me more burnt out as had anxiety attack about work and in therapy for my cptsd❤️❤️pet therapy

Yo boos how you I mean how are you really ?? ❤️Its been long time boos I was like on tick tock talking about how I felt very anxious mentally and emotionally and felt that I wasn’t being consistent on socials but I’m going to be honest when it comes up to Christmas I sometimes feel low because as you may or may not know I lost my mumma almost 4years ago and a family members lost this year I felt mentally drained earlier last month I was so burnt out that I had to go to hospital but yeah . I was like no I do like my job but I’m learning it can burn me out but now I’m looking for something new asewell but I wanted to take myself to an air BnB for a break but.its been nice having a kitten around he so cute but yeah I just wanted today it’s ok if you need to take some time for ❤️❤️

“My general anxiety disorder me having to cancel my event because my doctor decided to change my meds and talking about my kitten 🐈

“Hi how how are you boos? ❤️it has been strange couple of weeks I have had cold It wasn’t covid tested negative but I had problems with my meds I have always had Tw⚠️acid reflux but this time it was really bad I felt very bad went they gave me something called oprazole I couldn’t take it with loads of my meds so I asked is this ok then I found myself sleeping loads I rang my doctor back as you know with doctors it can be hard to get through but it’s ok to be expected they didn’t tell me to come in the receptionist said we will ring you back waited most of the day they didn’t get back to me I was like woah ok so I rang back said I was expecting a call back I

get nervous calling them but they said they will get back to you. They got back to me they told me you can’t take iron tablet with this so I took it it helped but I was told a week later to stop taking it .Anyway my kitten is so cute he eats his cat biscuit he doesn’t eat loads of cat food no idea why though I had a hair appointment due to my cold and medication change I couldn’t go I felt really bad but yeah learning to say no is hard I got anxious to go to shop and to study this week but my new therapist is amazing .The one on the NHS was like I’m going to move your therapy on I was like ok but yeah lots going on