My mental breakdown hospital stay with bpd and anxiety loosing a stone untentionally ♥️

Hello, I thought start of by saying hi it’s been the worst time of my life I went in to hospital in march came out in may the so staff were horrible some were nice was in a mixed ward I met people there who were so loud I got on with them but was way to loud but I felt like I hit rock bottom my.friends all ran to see me I can’t say I’m ok I lost some weight because food in there was horrible I can’t speak the same way I have psychosis now it’s hard to get my head around .

I had massive breakdown manic episode and met some extra weird people but I went to mixed ward I had been in hospital before this was different a strange time I never thought I would get out I’m on aripiprazole and antidepressants now that make drowsy but I have lot recovering to do I feel like I don’t want to live at home any more like I live with my dad but he going to sell up. I have no idea what to say but I can say if I’m recovering. It’s been hell of lot to go through I’ve got amazing friends but it’s just been like they came to feed me and everything like it’s a lot to go through I can’t really make somebody I don’t think I’m gonna be about to work I’m watching really remember I deferred from uni like I’m recovering love y’all

Learning to be me after social media break and going to therapy depressive episode and cptsd and gad for 3months😊💕taking my meds and and my birthday coming up

“Hi how are you doing”? Long time no speak on here I would always I been trying blog but been so low with everything I have been looking after my kitten he is. Now 9 months he is called maxi I was so low but had to the vets with him I have been posting on tick tock lots but is it just me or has algorithm changed but I stopped posting I use the stories but I seeing random post and messages from

people who want money it’s not the same .but I’m on tick tock I haven’t done a lot just talk about my general anxiety disorders about my therapy I have just found a great therapist I was saying to her about why I say sorry about a multitude of things but she said stems back to when I was younger teachers used to shout at me when I got stuff wrong as I had dyslexia they didn’t understand me but I got in to open uni now in my twenties and I was meant to do it when I lost my mum but come a long way but felt so low as . Had stomach pain that hasn’t gone a way I spoke. To my doctor’s meant to be going for blood test and scan I feel it may be fibrosis or cyst but doctor’s can be annoying . birthday is coming up this week

May is mental health month💚💚Trying to relocate and my general anxiety is up and down but taking my meds my cptsd and love bombing

“Hi boos how are you “?long time no post I have been busy but I also have a tooth infection but yeah but yeah where do I start I started going on dating app as a joke because after my random situationship last year

I’m learning me I do like Instagram but I feel I don’t know what to post anymore .Like I still post  but I feel I just don’t talk to the people on here I went for date a guy was so rude he was like your anxious right stop I was like you ask me to be here I’m understand dating apps but sometimes they make me anxious because  most just use it to as sneaky link sites but yeah  I have tried them one guy just wanted me to come to his I was like no wtf but I’m not looking for that  but I had someone talk to we had a lot in common but he wanted me to message him call him every min  but I’m very anti social and anxious I was like no

But hoping to move by the end of summer as my job is agency but I felt I would feel chilled as I stay in Berkshire with my dad but  I was in London with friends and family but I have kitten I’m looking for a place for accepting pets  is a night mare  but yeah. Its a lot .

That’s not me so I said I’m more of a text me if you good and what do we have in common type not lets ring me every second but anyway but I just said oh happy Easter he was like  what have I done I said nothing your not speaking to me I said ok then he kept messaging me on Instagram then I just blocked him because I was like I don’t need this anyway talking to someone genuine now but I’m just saying becareful on these apps but I’m In therapy my cat has been amazing he runs every where

Cptsd is so painful but sometimes I get trauma by seeing people I don’t talk to anymore and I get scared of using public transport now days as I fainted a few months ago but I have tried but I get so anxious

My gad and having anxiety attack after 4 months kitten and new job therapy starting feel anxious and learning to understand my dyslexic thinking ♥️♥️

“Hi long time no blog how are you” doing I have a new job I was happy in it but my manager gave me anxiety he shouts I was working in the education sector for 4 years I’m still in it but

admin assistant. Sen now but I felt so anxious my manager shouted at me and I sent him some work he was like no that’s not right bare in mind I’m dyslexic so he made me feel like I was pathetic and I had to kind of tell him I’m sorry but why should I say sorry something that is my that I left my position of 4 years . It makes me feel physically sick that he literally stop emailing me even when I was outside of work saying the world there’s your that I was just like a cool I’ll send you some more work and then all my other colleagues will like ok see you doing it’s easier than every time they came off off I was the one doing the work so I got the point why haven’t I exactly I got home on the train from Ealing how long is going to shout at me don’t shout at me!! Anyway I have to look after my kitten my my kitten is 6-months now he has eye problem so busy worrying about him that I even forgot about that situation I went to the gym after and I just thought to myself what the f*** am I doing in this position the only reason I went that position I thought it was good here’s a picture of my cat yeah I just thought just checking in

Losing myself while finding myself career wise and moving location soon my general anxiety disorder meds have been uped dosage♥️♥️ format is a little different 🤣

“Hi how are you boos ” I haven’t been posting that much so much has been going on personally but I’m finally on here not great not sure how to feel? I left my position within education and special needs still on agency but found new position within social media admin. But if it doesn’t work it’s fine. I left just after half term because I felt lost and I had been working as teaching assistant In special needs for 4 years long time suppose.i left as I felt lost my team in there everyone was leaving but I felt heartbroken but I’m still on agency but you know when it’s your time to just leave

“But I went for an interview in recruitment the man who interviewed me he was like I work with graduates who want to going to office careers I was like “that sounds ok that sounds interesting bearing in mind this is in East London but work from home I thought ok this sound ok I mentioned I can’t do a Monday as I study he didn’t get back to me bear in mind he said yes it’s ok then I get an email out of the blue sorry it’s not ok we are retracting you job I felt like you could have just called me but that’s made me so anxious to go and apply for anything else

But recently I went for a job that was to do with social media but I didn’t Know if it was for me or it was with kids and sport in mind but you looking at girl who has got a level 3 in support teaching and not sure just about goes gym like I was like I dunno got another offer as recruitment in a office and like I’m still on agency and my personal life going weird like . dating is weird right like I went from talking to someone everyday to scared to message them because of being so busy and thinking they don’t like me I dunno but the things I’m doing I planned on doing with my ex like getting a kitten moving but now I’m doing these things alone like I have no idea who or what I’m doing but I’m doing it I guess.

Hope you had a rest with situation of covid 2021 had bit of an overwhelming time with general anxiety but my kitten has helped 2022 year of me just no change just me just no new me just get through the day . 🐈❤️❤️

“Hi how how are you” ?? Long time no post meaning to post .I have been online but not as much I had a self care day on christmas eye. Mask’s and took my meds I did feel overwhelmed as christmas grief my gad don’t go well but went as well as it could have during covid I spoke to my therapist she said just do things for you don’t try making it everyone else I had a deppressive episode in November and take meds for but.Gave myself social media break still liked tick tock but I started to realise that you can have breaks because sometimes you can see so much news on there about the current situation in the UK or around the world. But my kitten who is 4 months old has been a focus he had his vaccination a few days ago he is called maxi but I his actual name is Maximillon jedi it star wars inspired. But I call him maxi but I was busy giving him presents and stuff so having a pet does help but I still felt low during Christmas .My christmas this year was different as you know the current situation means you have to be careful of where your going? but I spent it with my dad but since my mumma past away I normally spend it with my cousins but I find christmas hard. But I’m learning to realise it’s just a day and not to think about it so much but this new year I hate when people say new year new me no I’m the same nothing has changed apart from me trying to give self a break before I burn out but yeah and keep going to therapy but yeah

“Learning me and understanding been so busy with work understanding my general anxiety disorders and realising what is right for me.❤️❤️😱

“Hi how are you boos?? I have been so busy with work, however it has been weird week I started back doing day to day roles but I felt so overwhelmed as you may not know if you have been following my blog or on Instagram I work as with special needs but I’m looking for a career change but it has been overwelming with covid and everything but. I went to this school for a trial day walked in thought I had I high temperature 🌡️ had a sudden panic attack they said was fine went in read went in in did my role left early but felt it went ok but wasn’t school wasn’t for me got let me tell you how agency work? They send you a random post code and want you find it you go Google maps have to try figure It out so will tell your going but yeah .Im still looking at getting a kitten I have bought stuff for it

Tw gad and cptsd ⚠️I had anxiety attack relapse after 3months of not having one it’s how you get back I really want a kitten 🐈 😂😂❤️

Hi how are you ? It’s been a difficult week as I had to do so many things but It started in the week I had so many things I’m on an agency but they kept ringing me saying ok told them then I doctor keeps Sending my meds to the wrong place I felt my doasage was to high then had therapy with my new therapist it was ok but she said” you need stop and think you have come a long way and yes you relapsed but this was the longest you went with out an attack. But I said I must be a failure but yeah .But I went on tick tock and this man was crying then he got a kitten.I was saying this is good idea but I stay in London but in my dads house he is allowed pets so yeah but i want it for him

Tw⚠️It’s sucide prevention month and my cptsd and gad and meds revisiting trauma and my cptsd

Hi boos sorry been busy was bit unwell❤️❤️how Are you ? I felt so overwhelmed but went out saw my friend saw family and trying get cat when I had cat I was young it hated me but it was so annoying but still loved it but I have had the weirdest week I had such heavy periods and had to go to my doctor but my doctor referred me to the hospital where my when I lost my mum to cancer 4 years ago the hospital she was in before she was in the hospise but I had audio flashbacks when I got there I take med called mitzapine it makes me.drowsy and numb but they work but sometimes I feel like it certain places I still get flashbacks of beeping noises and stuff but anyway got In the woman just wanted a blood test but my head was everywhere but came out bear in mind I hadn’t been there in a while but it still causes Me trauma.I felt lowest I had felt low but. good news I have the sober app because I had a relapse but I have been more than 20 days sober I still drink on Friday but what was going on was drinking at my house loads but my new therapist has been amazing but think I need to move but just checking in ❤️❤️

Me slowly recovering from my relapse of alcohol and taking new meds and going to therapy for my genralized anxiety disorder and First time going out out in while ❤️💯❤️

“Hi how are you boos ? haven’t posted In time trying focus on taking My meds make me so tired but like I started mitzapine 15 mg but my doctor put me up a dose and my insomnia has come back.but slowly I have realized that I didn’t have good sleep hygiene my therapist mentioned. Have a realize that I needed to having a bath .spray lavender spray on pillow trying to having a diffuser In the room but yeah my new therapist has been good my previous therapist said to me when I told her over my about my insomnia she’s like go for a walk and go for some fresh air like that was going to help anything.as sometimes you kind of got to find the therapist that understands you because for me it took a long time it’s about two to three years I’ve been on NHS therapy but I saved up because I knew or after is there very like all these are the tools that can make you feel better and it’s just a bit silly like I use I understand CBT but it just didn’t really work for me like the talking better bit work for me but other than just saying he has your work but you do that as I still have that but on the other side I have

therapy as well so it kind of works in conjunction but I had like two different ones I was really nice but was just getting the appointment the other services like like she’s was rude but yeah. This week I went for a coffee with my dad he left his work place that he had been working in for 20 years or more he works somewhere else now but he said it’s different but it shows you no matter how long you have been in a workplace you mental health sleep health is top but at the moment I am trying leave the position Iam in to do another position I felt Iam not enjoying it